When the hasty scrawl he receives in response is deciphered, decoded, and the abuse of capital letters ignored, it reads as follows:
Dear I No Longer Care About The Damn Codenames,
What. The hell.
Exsanguination? I HAD TO LOOK THAT UP. I thought it was BAD ENOUGH when the freaking DEVIL was after us, but nooooo, Puck had to go get into trouble that requires me to *use a dictionary.*
God. So just, like, FIX THIS already. Doesn't garlic work? Or holy water? I am totally okay with using violence, kidnappings, arson, whatever.
You could even trap Puck in a lantern Tinkerbell-style if you have to, because apparently when left to his own devices he likes to metaphorically slit his wrists and leap into shark-infested waters.
(Don't show him that bit or he might actually do it and then we will ALSO have killer SHARKS after us because Puck will be all "hahaha I am pretending to be chum isn't this a DELIGHTFUL LARK oh dear why are they all chasing me now?")
Lilly
P.S. The kids are still alive. I sold them for shoes yesterday, but the wussy shoe guy gave them back after like, five minutes. They didn't seem to mind, and I got to keep the shoes, so I'm calling that a parenting win.
I've also told them that Daddy is in a medical coma so researchers can find out what his DAMAGE IS ALREADY, but I don't know if they believed me. Feel free to make that true!
no subject
Dear I No Longer Care About The Damn Codenames,
What. The hell.
Exsanguination? I HAD TO LOOK THAT UP. I thought it was BAD ENOUGH when the freaking DEVIL was after us, but nooooo, Puck had to go get into trouble that requires me to *use a dictionary.*
God. So just, like, FIX THIS already. Doesn't garlic work? Or holy water? I am totally okay with using violence, kidnappings, arson, whatever.
You could even trap Puck in a lantern Tinkerbell-style if you have to, because apparently when left to his own devices he likes to metaphorically slit his wrists and leap into shark-infested waters.
(Don't show him that bit or he might actually do it and then we will ALSO have killer SHARKS after us because Puck will be all "hahaha I am pretending to be chum isn't this a DELIGHTFUL LARK oh dear why are they all chasing me now?")
Lilly
P.S. The kids are still alive. I sold them for shoes yesterday, but the wussy shoe guy gave them back after like, five minutes. They didn't seem to mind, and I got to keep the shoes, so I'm calling that a parenting win.
I've also told them that Daddy is in a medical coma so researchers can find out what his DAMAGE IS ALREADY, but I don't know if they believed me. Feel free to make that true!