oneman_onevote | (no subject)

(no subject)

Havelock is in his now-mysteriously-non-milkshakey room, but in a break from recent tradition is not either reading a book or wrestling a giant killer living plant.

He is, however, standing upside down. It helps strengthen the upper body, see. Also, he doesn't get as many weird looks when he practises them in private.

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"Well, quite."

And there's that silence again.

And there's an eyebrow, to match.

Or something.

Puck coughs.

"Ahem. Well. I suppose it shall be best if I am direct."

He clears his throat, because obviously coughing is not sufficient.

"I've something to tell you."

"It generally is," Havelock remarks, eyeing Puck curiously.

He has come to suspect, over time, that this is going to be good.

He nods, slowly, eyeing the eyeing that Havelock is doing.

... This is totally not awkward.

"It would seem," he says at last, "that as of last night, I have acquired a bride."

Havelock blinks.

"...I see."

No he doesn't.

"May I ask... how?"

He knows how it works in Ankh-Morpork, but nothing says it would be the same here.

Well, he seems to be taking this well!

"'Tis quite the story, as it happens," Puck says, tone edging towards 'conversational.' "Did you know, for instance, that the eating of honey and peppercorn followed by a showering of gin is viewed in some circles as a perfectly adequate marriage ceremony?"

Havelock's default is 'glacically calm' anyway. It stands him in good stead in this kind of situation!

...Ah. Well, there's that.

"I did not," he says.

Puck makes a face.

"Alas. One learns something new each day."

"Apparently so," Havelock agrees.

"Who is the lady, if I may ask?"

You know. He feels he should be aquainted with his boyfriend/lover/partner/thing's wife.

How very conscientious of him.

"Are you, perhaps, acquainted with one Lilly nee Kane?"

"Indeed I am," Havelock says, calling a memory of Lilly to mind.

She called him 'Killer,' he recalls. Also a 'Sugar Daddy.'

Well, at least the pairing makes sense in some way.

Puck nods.

"Well," he says. "That is the lady."

Havelock nods gravely, then seems to be searching for something appropriate to say.

"Congratulations," he comes up with.

Puck blinks.

"... Is that all?"

"Well, it seemed constructive to be going on with," says Havelock.

He is not trained for the ettiquette of this situation!

Puck gives him a look.

"Have I mentioned it was quite by accident?"

"You did," he confirms.

"Do you know what Miss- Lilly thinks of the situation?"

It should probably be mentioned that divorces are kind of unknown in Ankh Morport at Havelock's time.

If it's really an urgent thing, they tend to, er... call on the Assassin's Guild for mediation.

Puck was about to point out that no one gets congratulated for an accident-- damn Havelock and his tricksy subject-changing ways.

"I shouldn't quite say she was overjoyed," he says, making a face. "In shock is more like it. I do hope she comes round; 'tis rather an insult to me that she takes the business so badly."

"I'm sure it isn't personal," Havelock assures him mildly.

"Merely the unexpected situation."

Puck's expression brightens a bit at that.

The look fades quickly, however, to be replaced by a slightly apologetic frown.

"At any rate ... I am not quite sure what's to be done about it."

Havelock bites him lip slightly in thought.

"What form of marriage ceremony did you say was performed?" he asks, thoughtfully.

"We might check it to see if all is correct, at least."

"Er," Puck says.

"It's none I ever heard of. I believe the dear Captain Jack said it came from a people on the coast of Africa-- a land of my own world. But aside from the honeyed peppercorn and gin, I'm afraid I shan't be very much help."

Havelock knows a Captain Jack, he believes.

"I shall inquire," he says.

Puck blinks.

"Shall you?"

"It can't hurt."

Unless Captain Jack is more violent than he remembers...