oneman_onevote | (no subject)

There is a table. On it is a jar of sugar cubes, a jug of milk, a bottle of whiskey, and a large and steaming pot of coffee, a judicious distance from the double baby-carrier. Melodic burbling comes from within.

Havelock eyes one baby with a look that is somewhere around mildly puzzled, while Puck cheerfully sneaks his third lump of sugar and crunches it.

It's 'meet the Missus' day, apparently.

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The Missus is a few minutes late, but it's not her fault! There are very few ettiquete books that tell you what to bring to tea with your accidental husband, his trained killer boyfriend, and the orphans that were thrown at you and said husband just after the accidental wedding.

Of course, Lilly wouldn't have read them anyway. She's just going with her instincts, and those instincts say booze. Bottle in hand, she knocks on the door.

"Hello?"

The door opens smoothly into room 37, one of the plainest and most functional rooms imaginable, apart from the aforementioned table and its contents.

"Good afternoon," says Havelock pleasantly, nodding her into the room, and pushing out a chair courteously.

Just because he usually ignores it doesn't mean he doesn't know about being gentlemanly!

Puck, for his part, waves cheerily as he crunches his fifth sugar cube (the two in the interim went by quickly).

"Good day, darling."

Havelock's gentlemanly behavior earns him an approving grin.

"Hi, honey."

Lilly glances at the contents of the baskets. Still there.

"Spawn."

Havelock, however, gets a lovely smile as she sits down.

"Good afternoon- Havelock, right?"

"Indeed, yes," he confirms.

Male child burbles in a way that may or may not be greeting.

"May I offer you a drink?" Havelock continues.

"Yeah you may."

Lilly is relying on it being heavily spiked.

"So."

I married your boyfriend. How's that working out for you? ...yeah, maybe I should ask that after a drink or two.

"How are you?"

"I'm delightful," Puck cuts in brightly.

He tugs at Havelock's sleeve without looking. He wants a drink toooo.

Havelock pours coffee.

Then he pours whiskey.

Into the coffee, obviously, and liberally. He feels he knows Puck's tastes and tolerance, and judging from Mrs. Goodfellow-Kane's contribution to the proceedings, her preference lies along similar lines.

His own is slightly weaker, out of habit.

Someone has to be sober enough to keep watch. In case of... attack. By somebody.

It's a hangup.

You never know. Another trickster god could be lingering with gin and then bam! One of the universe's weirder marriages gets positively polytastic.

Lilly takes a lengthy swallow of her whiskey-and-coffee.

"Well, this is... totally not cozy. Man. If anyone gives us anything as a wedding present, you can have it to warm this place up a little."

Puck takes a liberal sip of coffee-and-whiskey, pouting in Lilly's direction.

"Do you really think it as bad as all that?" He looks mournfully at Havelock. "I find your taste in decoration absolutely charming, you know."

"I decorate?" Havelock asks, mildly puzzled, and sips his own drink, as comfortable as can be.

"Frankly, I thought the lack of milkshake was enough to be going on with."

"Oh, I don't know."

Lilly takes another sip.

"I like milkshakes. Metaphorical or otherwise."

Just ask Ingress.

"It was tasty," Puck says.

He likes milkshakes too! Also he'd no idea Havelock's room could've possibly gotten like this without Havelock's having forcibly removed pieces of furniture and thrown them out the window, but one learns something new every day.

Sip. Sip.

"How are you, Lilly dearest?"

"Alas, it was causing rust," Havelock says, re: the milkshake.

His weaponry is very important to him.

"Not rusty, at least," Lilly says in reply.

She sips. She looks around. She looks back at her cup. She can think of a million things to say, none of which are probably appropriate.

"How- oh! How were the kids for you guys?"

Puck glances over at the twins, as if this question will have prompted them to do something interesting.

Sadly, no such luck.

"Oh, they are lovely," he assures her. "I have found for myself that two mortal children are nearly the equivalent of one divine, at least so far as the mechanics of caring for them."

These guys don't teleport, for one thing.

"Indeed. They were very well-behaved," Havelock assures her.

The lack of luminous multicoloured bubbles was something of a relief, as well.

And there's that silence again. In a demonstration of the skill of their species, the children appear to have picked this opportunity to be quiet as mice with tonsillitis.

The whole thing is very quiet. Quiet, and civilized, and-

"And okay, seriously? Are we all pretending it's totally normal and okay that I'm married to Puck and we have children via ambush and at least one boyfriend? Because if so, awesome, but if not and Havelock here's planning to duel me for whatever's left of Puck's honor I'd like to know before I finish my coffee."

She glances down at the cup.

"After all, having to pee during a duel would suck."

Puck blinks, looking slightly alarmed. (This is a difficult expression to manage when one is sucking on one's twelfth sugar cube.)

"Havelock?" he says, sounding slightly accusing. "You mean to duel my wife?"

A bright, sudden smile.

"I and my scant honor are most flattered, you know."

Ooookaaaay.

"I regret to inform you that I have no such intention, then," Havelock says dryly.

"...Out of curiosity," he continues, turning to Lilly, "Did you really think I would?"

"Maybe not really," Lilly admits. "But it would make more sense than inviting me to tea and it'd be kinda cool. I mean, as long as we dueled with non-lethal weapons because I am so not the trained killer in this polygon."

She pauses. She starts to grin.

"Havelock, have you ever heard of nerf weaponry?"

Puck siiiiiighs in Havelock's direction.

He is so unromantic.

But he brightens at Lilly, despite having no knowledge whatsoever of this 'nerf.' Frankly, he'll be surprised if Havelock doesn't either.

"Non-lethal dueling can be arranged," the assassin shrugs, "But I thought tea might be rather more civilised in front of your children."

Puck is absolutely right. It's remarkable that 'romantic' is even in his vocabulary.

"And... no, I cannot say I have."

Lilly waves away his concern for the children's sensibilities.

"Duels are good for kids. Well. The non-lethal kind. Or okay, they're not any worse for them than tea."

"I quite agree," Puck says, making a face.

Tea is gross.

Havelock eyes the softly burbling children blankly. Well, at least one will never lack an opponent for training with.

"Perhaps," he says guardedly. "They certainly seem to have a focusing effect on most young minds."

He should know.

"See? It's like Baby Einstein."

Lilly pauses.

"Okay, maybe more like Baby Darwin, but whatever. Close enough."

She leans towards Puck and drops her voice to a whisper.

"I'm going to lose, right? Because... I have no idea what the hell I'd do with the tattered remnants of your honor if I won."

Puck makes a face at her.

Havelock just sips his coffee.

He thinks it's safest.

Havelock is wise.

"Can I give him some nerfy blows though? I mean, nothing says 'You'd better be good to my husband's honor' like the terrfying possibility of styrofoam splinters."

He laughs.

Havelock hates you all.

I mean, he sips his coffee serenely, and pats the hand of the male child as he reaches out for something entertaining past his sister's nose.

Havelock asked for it!

Okay, not in any specific way, but Lilly feels quite strongly that dating Puck is like putting out a sign saying "Hi, Universe. Please Feel Free To Come Hit Me With Your Wacky."

And marrying Puck is like adding a "P.S. The Harder The Better!" to that sign, so she has no sympathy.

"Okay, that's maybe my new goal. Are we defining expression in the normal way, or since it's Havelock if I get a mouth twitch or an eyebrow raise will that count?"